How many times a day do you apologize for simply being? Women, we apologize for everything! We apologize for simply having a voice of our own. For speaking up. We apologize because we are afraid we are holding up too large a space. Afraid we are too much, because we’ve been taught to not be too much. Afraid of hurting someone’s delicate ego, simply for voicing our opinion.
When something is clearly not our fault, we apologize for it anyway.
Yes, indeed this world needs more empathy and compassion. However, apologizing for existing in it, does not achieve this. Empathy starts through valuing ourselves. Allowing ourselves to be unapologetically who we are.
We fear we are being obtrusive, simply for being ourselves.
You are not too much, or too loud, or too of anything. You are not taking up too much space. You don’t have to be small. Or large. Or anything in between!
You don’t have to say sorry, simply for breathing next to someone with a larger presence than you. If you don’t understand something, you can ask for clarification without apologizing. If you disagree with something, you can disagree without apologizing. Your decisions actually do matter, without needing to apologize for making them. Even if no one else agrees with you. It’s still unapologetically your decision.
We don’t have to apologize for simply being.
We are sorry all the time because we have been taught we have to be sorry. That we have to be small, and sorry. For everything.
Count how many times a day you apologize for things that are not necessary.
It’s okay to be loud. It’s okay to be quirky, opinionated, different, and to need more information before deciding on something. To speak up if you disagree. To say no without explaining.
This is a tough one. It’s okay to make a decision that people won’t agree with. These are all things you don’t have to apologize for. Or explain for that matter.
It’s okay to state ‘This isn’t going to work for me’. Without apologizing.
Apologizing for wrongs you have done, yes.
Saying sorry when someone is struggling as a way of showing empathy, yes (“I’m sorry you are struggling”).
Apologizing out of fear of displeasing others, no.
Feeling unsure of yourself is not a reason to apologize.
Feeling vulnerable is not a reason to apologize.
Over apologizing continues the patterns you’ve created in your brain (through years of social conditioning) that you are somehow too much, and therefore need to be sorry simply for existing. It continues the cycle of feeling like you are less-than. It’s telling the world you are sorry for existing in it. Value yourself. Be unapologetically you.
Don’t dull your shine with sorry.